One and a half years, that’s how long it has taken me to write another article. It’s been a bumpy period in my life, with lots of ups and downs (but mostly downs). This article is a short summary of what my thoughts have been circling around the last years during the breakdown.
Do you find yourself lacking the motivation or energy to work on a project? You get motivated for half a second, then all the energy and joy just disappears from you. As if you light a candle, and just as the candle has been lit someone pours water on it. Making it difficult to reignite the candle again.
Earlier this year, in February, I had a severe seasonal depression. My mental capacity was at zero. I couldn’t concentrate. It felt like my brain was a lump of greasy mud; even having a normal conversation was a challenge. So for two weeks, all I did was to play games all day long. But as always, I grew tired and frustrated with the situation. I longed to write articles for this blog; I didn’t want the seasonal depression to continue all the way until April. I had to cure it no matter what. But that’s not that easy when you don’t have the energy to do anything.
I don’t know about you, but I have a hard time forgiving myself for my blunders and being non-perfect. I want to forgive me, but sometimes it’s just hard.
The loving-kindness exercise is one of the most mind-blowing exercises I’ve tried. For being able to increase your happiness, it’s almost too simple.
I wish I had the courage to do “that”. I wish I had the courage to be myself. Why is it that I’m afraid to be authentic? What am I afraid of?
Numerous of times in my life I’ve found myself at a dilemma “what should I do/pick?”. I used to have a hard time deciding what to do, during my years I’ve found some processes that have made it a lot easier for me to make a decision.
Almost a year ago I wrote Sharing Your Fears where I listed some of my fears. It was meant to be a reminder for me to actually face my fears. Truth be told I haven’t really faced my fears since then. I’ve been living too comfortable, I haven’t felt the need to face many fears, sure I’ve wanted it, but I’ve had a too good life—i.e. I haven’t been frustrated enough by my fears and still aren’t but I’m frustrated about something else, or maybe not frustrated. I haven’t really challenged myself in the past year, I have been challenged by other experiences but I haven’t challenged myself.
In September my social circle expanded quite a lot. During this month I found myself with more energy than before, but I was also more exhausted. To sum everything up I moved from one apartment into a student corridor (shared with 6 other people) and I started studying instead of just working on my own. It’s quite obvious that my social circle expanded due to those two things, but I’ve also taken more initiative talking to people and doing stuff 🙂 To my thoughts…
How often do you share your fears? Quite recently (February and March) I only shared a few of my fears to a partner. I thought that if I’d share my inner-most fears they would certainly come true, which in itself is a fear now that I think of it. A fear I had was telling another person I might had developed some feelings for them, I say might because I was unsure since it was a weird and not recognizable feeling. I feared that if I shared this with them they wouldn’t want to hang around with me any longer. The previous […]