Discovering Desires

So I have started blogging again on a new blog as I felt extremely motivated to talk about my desires. I’m not really sure what the content for this blog will be. Maybe some sort of personal development blog with my own practices and experiences rather than giving tips; or I it might be more of a personal blog where I talk about issues, thoughts and my view of life.

I started blogging again because I had an inspiration spike today and asked myself “what would I love to do right now?” and I really felt like writing something. I didn’t know what form the writing would take; maybe in a longer mail to an old friend; write to a friend about how awesome yesterday was; write something short on Facebook (which I rarely do); or start blogging. I guess you know what I picked 😛

I knew setting up a blog would take some time until I was satisfied, but here I am now 2 hours later with a working blog and writing 😀 Now that I can write, what should I write about? 😛

Maybe why I wanted to start a blog again? I’ve actually felt the urge to create a blog for about a year, or wait… it’s actually closer to 2 years now, damn times moves fast. I decided against that then  because I wanted to become a better speaker and started a video blog instead—which I kept at weekly for ~20 weeks. It was fun, but I still missed writing, a lot (a lot, get it? :P). I’m not really sure why it’s fun writing and especially in English since that’s my second language—I’m a Swede—but it’s really fun and maybe it’s because I get clarity what I want, like journaling. Maybe this blog will become something like that, I don’t know and don’t want to decide on that, I’d rather just go with the flow.

As a disclaimer, I write out as I’m thinking which can make the text a bit hard or weird to read? I write for the fun of it 🙂 If you don’t like the style you don’t have to read it 😉

My Desire To Start A Blog

This week I’m feeling great awesome 😀 I’ve been listening and starting thinking more about personal development again. I’ve noticed before that whenever I stop reading, listening, watching to personal development content, that’s inspiring, I start feeling down and really don’t have any energy to do something. Even though I knew that I would get more energy from experiencing this content I didn’t have the energy to actually start, but now I have the energy and it’s awesome 😀 I need and want to have ongoing challenges for myself and live in the moment. These two things usually work in synergy for me, if I don’t challenge myself it’s hard for me to live in the moment and vice versa.

Starting this blog is a challenge for me, albeit a small one. Now I’m living out what I want, living my desires.

Yesterday I watched an hour long seminar with a friend about living out your desires, or rather getting to know what your real and hidden desires are—I couldn’t really find a good word for real, but what I mean are desires that you think you have or would like; for example if you like ice cream you could have a desire to try chocolate ice cream (let’s say you haven’t tested this :P) and you actually like it, by hidden desires I’ll take an example from the seminar. Let’s say you have a sexual desire to have a threesome (whoa… that escalated quickly… how many people did I upset? :P). Once you have a threesome you might actually notice that it wasn’t the sexual experience that was your real desire but actually cuddling two partners afterwards. This is a hidden desire: to cuddle with multiple people at the same time.

By exploring different desires, ones that you feel you’d like but also those that you’re a bit skeptical about, but once you try them you actually know and can discover new desires you couldn’t even had guessed. If you didn’t like them you don’t have to do them again, but you never know if you don’t try 🙂

I’ve been thinking a bit about my own desires, that’s why I acted on creating a new blog. And also on broadcasting my desires so that I can find people that have the same desires as me, or rather that people who have any of the desires I have can connect with me. If I keep silent that I like traveling I won’t get any travel requests. Actually I don’t really want to write my desires this openly, but in the spirit of personal development, the seminar yesterday, being genuine, and openhearted I will challenge myself 😉

My Desires

  1. Drinking Tea (will do this after the post is done :D)
  2. I desire more heart-centered connections/relationships. I love connecting to other people and although I have become a lot better at this, I still put up walls around me.
  3. Living in the moment. I’ve been really connected with the world once after an hour-long breathing exercise. It was an amazing experience, I didn’t think I would reach it but it was so awesome and loving. Everywhere I looked everything was perfect and beautiful, from the tiniest leaf to the grey sky.
  4. More friends in the area I live. I don’t have many friends here at the moment, but that’s increasing quite fast 🙂
  5. I want to live together with a partner or several partners.
  6. I want to have my own place. Sort of a contradiction to the previous once, but you are allowed to have contradictory things.
  7. Having a threesome. You probably guess this 😛 Some of you might look weird on me for this desire, but it’s one thing I’d love to try to see how it’s like.
  8. I have a desire to be famous or important somehow. I haven’t figured out why yet, but I’ve always had this desire.
  9. I want to be a person that recharges people on their energy. In a more simpler form I want people to feel energized, loved, cared for when they meet me, be it passing on the street or in a relationship. This also gives me energy 🙂
  10. I want to hire people to my game company.
  11. I want to create an awesome company with open-minded people; with different rules; where all are closely connected; everybody loves their work; and feel loved.
  12. I want to become an inspiring high-school teacher in programming.
  13. I want to become a great writer. Being authentic in my blog writing, but also in writing fiction.
  14. Better English speaker. I don’t see myself as a good English speaker, I find it quite hard to talk fluently. Writing is a different manner, although I’m not that great I actually thought I was some years ago 😛
  15. I want a happy life.
  16. I want to feel loved by my family and friends for the person I am.
  17. I want to be genuine to everyone.
  18. The promises I make, I want to keep them all. Yoda style…
  19. I have never tried drugs, but once in my life I’d want to try to LSD. Why? Because Steve Jobs said so xD Or rather he said that he never looked at the world with the same eyes again and thought everyone should try it once at least. I’m really interested in how I’d look on the world afterwards, if I can get some new insights.
  20. Becoming a great pianist

The hardest one to share? Testing LSD. I don’t really want to be judged by that because society sees it as wrong and dangerous. I have respect for drugs, but I also have total confidence in my self and my support group that if I were to try it out I would only try it once. The list has both small temporary desires—driking tea—to deeper desires—to connect deeply with other people. The most compelling desires now are 1) Making a cup of tea; 2) heart-centered connections; 7) threesome; 9) positive force to people around me; and 17) Being genuine.

Afterword

I guess this have to do for today. The night is dark (and full of terrors) and I still want to have my tea 😛

I wonder what I will write about next time…

Have an awesome day and lots of hugs (I love hugs) 😀

PS. For those interested you can find my old blog at http://blog_old.senth.org (can have broken links). DS.

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