Discovering Desires

So I have started blogging again on a new blog as I felt extremely motivated to talk about my desires. I’m not sure what the content for this blog will be. Maybe a personal development blog with my practices and experiences rather than giving tips; or I it might be more of a blog where I talk about issues, thoughts, and my view of life.

I started blogging again because I had an inspiration spike today and asked myself “what would I love to do right now?” and I felt an urge to write something. I didn’t know what form the writing would take; maybe in a lengthy email to an old friend; write to a friend about how awesome yesterday was; write something short on Facebook (which I rarely do), or start blogging. I guess you know what I picked 😛

I knew setting up a blog would take some time until I was satisfied, but here I am now 2 hours later with a working blog and writing 😀 Now that I can write, what should I write? 😛

Maybe why I wanted to start a blog again? I’ve actually felt the urge to create a blog for about a year, or wait… it’s actually closer to 2 years now, damn times moves fast. I decided against that then because I wanted to become a better speaker and started a video blog instead—which I kept at weekly for ~20 weeks. It was fun, but I still missed writing, a lot. I’m not sure I find the writing process so fun, especially to write in English since that’s my second language—I’m a Swede. But it’s enjoyable, and maybe it’s because I get clarity what I want, like journaling. Perhaps this blog will become something like that, journaling. I don’t know and don’t want to decide on that; I’d rather just go with the flow.

As a disclaimer, I write out as I’m thinking which can make the text a bit hard or weird to read? I write for the fun of it 🙂 This can make the text a bit hard to read or understand sometimes.

My desire to start a blog

This week I’m feeling great awesome 😀 I’ve been listening and starting thinking more about personal development again. In the past, I’ve noticed that whenever I stop reading, listening, watching to personal development content, I start feeling down and don’t have any energy to do something. Even though I knew that I would get more energy from consuming the growth material I didn’t have the energy to start, but now I have the energy and it’s fantastic 😀 I need and want to have ongoing challenges for myself and live in the moment. These two things usually work in synergy for me; it’s hard for me to live in the moment and vice versa.

Starting this blog is a challenge for me, albeit a small one. Now I’m living out what I want, living my desires.

Discovering your desires

Yesterday I watched an hour-long seminar with a friend about living out your desires. Actually, it was more about getting to know what your true deep and hidden desires are.

For example, if you like ice cream you could have a desire to try chocolate ice cream (let’s say you haven’t tested this). This is a simple example of a desire you know. But what about hidden desires?

By hidden desires, I’ll take an example from the seminar. Let’s say you have a sexual desire to have a threesome. Once you have a threesome, you might notice that it wasn’t the sexual experience that was your real desire but instead it was the intimate, affection of having two people care about you and you care about them. This example would be a hidden desire; you thought you wanted something (the sexual experience), but in reality, you wanted something else (intimacy and affection).

By exploring different desires, ones that you feel you’d like but also those that you’re a bit skeptical about, but once you try them, you know and can discover new desires you couldn’t even have guessed you had. If you didn’t like them, you don’t have to do them again, but you never know if you don’t try 🙂

I’ve been thinking a bit about my desires, that’s why I acted on creating a new blog. And also on broadcasting my wishes so that I can find people that have the same ones like me, or rather that people who have any of the desires I have can connect with me. If I keep silent that I like traveling, I won’t get any travel requests. I don’t want to write my desires this openly, but in the spirit of personal development, the seminar yesterday, being genuine, and openhearted I will challenge myself 😉

My Desires

  1. Drinking Tea (will do this after finishing this article :D)
  2. I desire more heart-centered connections/relationships. I love connecting with other people, and although I have become a lot better at this, I still put up walls around me.
  3. To live and be in the moment. I’ve been connected with the world once after an hour-long breathing exercise. It was a fantastic experience. I didn’t think the practice would work and, but I was fully present and loving. Everywhere I looked everything was perfect and beautiful, from the tiniest leaf to the grey sky.
  4. More friends in the area I live. I don’t have many friends here at the moment, but that’s increasing quite fast 🙂
  5. I want to live together with a partner or several partners.
  6. I want to have a space of my own. Sort of a contradiction to the previous one, but you are allowed to have contradictory things.
  7. Having a threesome. Yep 🙂
  8. I have a desire to be famous or important somehow. I haven’t figured out why yet, but I’ve always had this fascination with fame.
  9. I want to be a person that recharges people on their energy. I want people to feel energized, loved, cared for when they meet me, be it passing on the street or in a relationship. Being energetic and enthusiastic also gives me energy 🙂
  10. I want to hire people to my game company.
  11. I want to create an impressive company with open-minded people; with different rules; where all are intimately connected; everybody loves their work, and feel loved.
  12. I want to become an inspiring high-school teacher in programming.
  13. I want to become a great writer. Being authentic in my blog writing, but also in writing fiction.
  14. Better English speaker. I don’t see myself as a good English speaker; I find it quite hard to talk fluently. Writing is a different manner; although I’m not that good as I thought I was some years ago 😛
  15. I want a happy life.
  16. I want to feel loved by my family and friends for the person I am.
  17. I want to be genuine to everyone.
  18. The promises I make, I want to keep them all. Yoda style…
  19. I have never tried drugs, but once in my life, I’d want to try to LSD. Why? Because Steve Jobs said so xD Or he said that he never looked at the world with the same eyes again and thought everyone should try it once at least. I’m interested in how I’d see the world afterward and if I get new insights.
  20. Becoming a great pianist

The hardest one to share? Testing LSD. I don’t want to be judged by that because society sees it as wrong and dangerous. I have respect for drugs, but I also have total confidence in my self and my support group that if I were to try it out, I would only try it once. The list has both small temporary desires—driking tea—to deeper desires—to connect deeply with other people. The most compelling desires now are 1) Making a cup of tea; 2) heart-centered connections; 7) threesome; 9) positive force to people around me; and 17) Being genuine.


I guess this has to do for today. The night is dark (and full of terrors) and I still want to have my tea 😛

I wonder what I will write about next time…

Have an awesome day and lots of hugs (I love hugs) 😀

/ Matteus

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